Tips and such

Dear History Channel,

I love you. I really do. Got vintage black and white footage of the Archduke Ferdinand in a parade the day before he gets shot to start World War I? I'm in. I revel in my History Channel dorkiness.

That being said, I would like to give you three small tips that will perhaps make your programming better.

1) Ancient Cities of the Underworld could be an interesting show, although when you do tunnels underneath LA, I'm not sure that really qualifies as an ancient city. Anyway, the reason the show struggles is because host Don Wildman (pictured) is such a complete self-promoting, drama queen douchebag it makes me want to puncture my ear drum with a toothpick. Fire him. Immediately. Hire someone who is not as impressed with themselves for climbing down a hole.

2) I estimate that 75 percent of your shows involve Hitler. This is fine with me. You can never have enough Hitler ass-kicking in my book. And that's a war we good guys win every, single time! But slapping a small Hitler-esque mustache on any old actor does not make them look like Hitler during one of your outstanding re-enactments. The actor should actually somewhat resemble Hitler. Corbin Bernsen would probably make a poor Hitler.

3) The economy, as you may have heard, is difficult. Regardless, you are allowed to have more than three advertisers. I'm sure Rosetta Stone is a fine product, but if I see Michael Phelps signing autographs with his freakishly enormous, webbed, disgusting toes one more time, I will snap those chicken nuggets off his gold-medal winning feet myself.
And despite it's ties to Hitler and never-ending promotion, Tom Cruise (with eyepatch!) playing a good Nazi in Valkyrie looks like a huge pile of suck in my book.

4) You should totally add Battlefield Britain, which was an awesome show and was only on PBS for one season. Check out the example below. Maybe these guys would take the job of that jagoff Don Wildman.


Battlefield Britain - More bloopers are a click away