Running Pet Peeve

Tonight, I was watching the local news as I sometimes do when I can't find the remote. Not sure if you guys have heard, but there's some kind of financial crisis.

(WARNING: ABOUT TO REVEAL NEWSGATHERING SECRETS OF JOURNO-WORLD.)

One of the favorite things editors at local newspapers/TV and radio stations like to do is read what is known in the biz as "the wire." "The wire" is a file of news stories that magically shows up on your computer when you are an editor, about 12 seconds before it shows up on the internet. Editors read these stories by this magician known as "AP" and then they say things to themselves like "Hmmm, that's a good story idea. How can I take steal that story idea and make it unique to my newspaper/town/community/four people who still subscribe to this rag?"

The editor then types into what is called a "budget." (Or as some call it - a list of stories that will appear in the story the next day.) The editor cleverly types in the story and then goes back and types the word "localize" next to it.

This means the reporter will call some person who resides/works in YOUR town and get their opinion on this story. This way you get to read the same story twice but it means more because the guy who's words are between the quote marks lives down the street. (For reference, google "Political, Columbus Dispatch, Herb Asher".)

It's an easy gig for the reporter, an easy gig for the editor and it helps fill newshole on slow days. So be it. No judgment. I was as guilty as any in pretending this is actual news.

But there is a tragic flaw in this plan when it comes to financial stories. Tonight, a local news station "localized" the bailout by interviewing an area investment advisor. He, of course, advised that this is "potentially the best time in history to invest in the stock market!"

He could possibly be right. He could also be completely full of shit. The thing is, financial advisors will always, always, always ADVISE YOU TO INVEST YOUR MONEY IN THE MARKET.

It is their bleeping job to get you to invest in the market. They make their living depending on how much money you invest in the market.

Stocks are good? BETTER GET IN NOW!
Stocks are down? BEST TIME TO INVEST!

Just once I'd love to see a financial advisor in an interview say "Holy shit! Pull all your money out and bury it in the goddamn backyard!"

criminy.